


Whatever Our Souls Are Made Of

by sanctuary_for_all



Series: A Thousand Ways [15]
Category: Hawaii Five-0 (2010)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Soulmates, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Feels, Fluff and Angst, M/M, Mutual Pining
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-08-03
Updated: 2018-08-22
Packaged: 2019-06-21 00:35:43
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 6,773
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15545712
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/sanctuary_for_all/pseuds/sanctuary_for_all
Summary: Most people – the sane people – said that soulmates were a myth.(AU with spoilers for season 1.)





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Title from the Emily Bronte quote: "Whatever our souls are made of, his and mine are the same." Spoilers for season 1.

Most people – the sane people – said that soulmates were a myth.

It wasn't like you got the other person's name written over your heart, or the first words they were ever gonna say to you wrapped around your wrist. Convenient labeling would have made things a hell of a lot simpler, if any of it was true at all, but if someone had bothered to write it down why would you have been separated in the first place? According to the stories, at least the ones his mother had always told him, the souls had all gotten lost in the dark and needed to stumble their way back to each other. No way to tell where you should be going, no way to know you'd gotten there except for a feeling inside you. When he'd asked her to be more specific, she'd held a hand against her heart and said it felt like coming home.

The catch was, you couldn't tell just by looking at the person's face. No, you had to be looking at their _soul_ , at least metaphorically speaking. The story went that your soul had fallen in love with _their_ soul, back when that's all either of you were – exactly where or when that was depended on who was doing the telling – so that was the bit you had to _see_. Since you couldn't actually _do_ that, though a few serial killers had tried, you had to wait for a moment when they were feeling emotionally open. When, as his mother put it, "their soul shone out of their eyes."

Danny hoped like hell it was all a load of shit, because if it wasn't he was screwed. Even as a kid, he'd figured out that the only thing being emotionally vulnerable did was give the other person a clear shot. He'd seen it with his parents, the supposed "soulmates," and one of his earliest memories was trying to comfort his mother while she sobbed. By the time he was 12, he'd already gotten good at locking his emotions down and replacing whatever slipped out with anger. It made a lot of things easier. But if he had a soulmate out there, they could be standing a foot away from Danny and still not be able to see him.

It wasn't like soulmates were real, anyway. Probably everyone had the same ache, deep in their chests, and had made up the story to try and convince themselves it would go away eventually.

000                                                                   

Steve was a little older when he first heard about soulmates, but it only made him love it more.

He had no idea if his parents were soulmates, since they never really talked about emotional stuff like that, but he'd found a book about it in the library that someone had accidentally shelved next to the one about the Ghost Army that he'd wanted. It kept trying to be scientific, saying stuff about energy waves he only sort of understood, but it had a lot of interviews with people who said they'd found their soulmate. They talked about things like feeling safe with the other person, like you were accepted and loved all the way down to the depths of who you were. That the loneliness deep inside you finally, finally went away.

Steve had friends in high school – football champs always did – but the loneliness was always still there. He didn't know if it was his missing soulmate or just that there was always so much about himself he never dared show people, but the thought that it might finally go away one day gave him hope.

Then his mother died. Within a matter of days the whole world fell apart, leaving him lonelier than he'd ever been in his life. He needed a soulmate more than ever, and for awhile he hoped they'd somehow stumble across each other at the boarding school. He didn't care if it was a boy, or that being in love with a guy would make his life in the military hell. If he found his soulmate, he'd drop it all in a second.

But he never did, no matter how hard he hoped.

000

When Rachel agreed to go to dinner with him that first time, there was a solid few months where Danny seriously considered believing in soulmates.

It was the best explanation he could think of for someone _that_ out of his league being interested in him. Rachel Hollander was pure class, with an intelligence so sharp it could cut you if you weren't careful. What could see possibly see in an angry cop with vulnerability issues unless she could somehow see beneath all that? As for him, she made him feel like he was _worth_ something. Surely that should count.

Eventually, though, he realized the ache inside him was still there. By then Rachel was already wearing his engagement ring, and Danny wasn't about to screw it up just because it didn't fit some fantasy he'd heard about when he was a kid. They were in love with each other, and that was enough for a lot of people.

It was just a dumb fantasy, anyway.

After that, he tried to push the thought out of his mind completely. He was almost successful, even though the marriage started crumbling only a few months after they made it to the altar. The wreckage felt familiar, and even though it hurt it wasn't that much different than everything else.

The one surprise was how much lonelier you could be in a marriage than on your own.

When Grace came along, though, it was all worth it. Looking down into her tiny, perfect face, Danny felt such an impossibly huge wave of love he couldn't believe there was room for all of it inside him. She filled up so many empty spaces he hadn't even known were inside him, and for the first time in his life he understood what it was like to love someone with his whole entire soul. The old ache inside him was still there, the edges of it as familiar as his name, but he also had more joy than he ever could have imagined. For Grace, he would go to the ends of the earth.

He almost, _almost,_ made himself believe it was enough.

000

Eventually, Steve learned to survive his new life. Everything fragile got pushed down, everything that hurt, and he turned himself into the soldier he needed to be. He focused on the good things in his life – he was doing important work, had friends among the people he served with, and Catherine – and tried to forget everything else. It turned out you could get used to the worst pain, if you didn't have another choice.

He didn't dream anymore, about soulmates or anything else. At least, that's what he told himself.

After Hesse murdered his father, Steve shut down even more. There was only so much you could lock down before you stopped being a person, but that was okay. The last thing he wanted to be right now was himself.

000

When Danny ran into the asshole SEAL skulking around his murdered father's garage, a soulmate was the _last_ thing he was thinking about. Not strangling the man was a much higher priority, because then he'd have to arrest himself for murder and that would be awkward for everyone.

Then he hijacked him into the damn case, got him shot, didn't _care_ that he got him shot, and then somehow became even _more_ of an asshole by trying that shit with his arm. He'd _had_ to punch him at that point, because if he'd let it go a second longer then the whole murder thing would have happened whether he'd meant it to or not.

Once Steve made it back to the car, though... something changed. Danny didn't know if the punch flipped a switch in the guy's head or what, but he suddenly transformed from the massive asshole he'd been to the kind of low-key asshole that Danny could like a hell of a lot. Of course, he didn't actually _admit_ that to himself, because there was no _way_ he should have stopped being mad this fast. But the truth was that his complaining had less and less heat behind it by the _second_. He was still a lunatic, and Danny still yelled at him to slow the fuck down and listen to reason for five seconds, but it was more like the yelling you did to save someone from running into traffic.

He didn't think about the old, familiar ache in his chest. But, sitting in Steve's backyard drinking that beer, he couldn't help but notice he was breathing easier than he had in a hell of a long time.

000

Steve had charged through hunting his father's killer the same way he had everything else, but there was no room left in him for the charm that usually smoothed his way. In retrospect, he could admit that he'd deserved the punch.

But it was the fact that Danny had still _been_ there afterward that stopped him in his tracks.

It... woke him up, almost. Shields that had been in place for decades cracked open like the hull of a ship going down, and suddenly Steve had wanted to know everything about Danny Williams. Not just what was in the file – the _real_ stuff, the kind of things only the people in his life knew. He told himself that it was just a tactical decision, intelligence-gathering on someone he already knew he was going to keep working with, but that was only a small, small part of the truth.

Another part of the truth, one he didn't dare look at too closely, was that the dreams Steve had buried deep down now had a specific face attached to them.

000

Danny told the doctor who looked at his knee that he didn't think he could get a transfer, but the truth was he didn't even try. He couldn't risk someone thinking his complaining was real enough to try and send him away from Steve.

000

Steve knew he should be worried at how quickly he was getting attached, but he couldn't seem to stop himself. He _liked_ Danny, the same way that kids always seemed to like their best friends in stories. Or not exactly the same way, because he would also happily take Danny to bed and not let him back out until they'd broken some sort of orgasm world record.

He'd take Danny any way he could get him. _Or every way_ , a deeper part of him whispered, but he shut the thought down every time it came. He was damn lucky just to have Danny in his life, and he wasn’t about to risk that by pushing for things his seemingly heterosexual partner would never want to give him.

But that didn’t stop him from being greedy for Danny’s company, or wanting to be allowed even deeper into his life. Early on, a lot of that centered on wanting to meet Grace. He was hungry to know the little girl who was such a big part of Danny's life, the one he already had such a vivid picture of because of the stories Danny told. Anyone who was that special to Danny had to be just as amazing as he was.

He'd played it cool when he suggested Danny bring her to the football game at the high school that Saturday, but some part of him he hadn't heard from in years was practically vibrating with excitement. When they did finally show up, it took a hell of a lot more restraint than it should have to make his voice sound mostly normal. "Hey Gracie, I'm Steve. Great to meet you finally." He shook her hand, which was probably not a thing normal people did but was a hell of a lot safer than hugging her like he wanted to. "Your Daddy talks about you all the time."

She beamed at him, wearing a trouble-making grin Steve desperately wished to see on her father.  “Talks about you a lot, too.”

Steve lost his breath at the simple statement, especially because Danny didn’t immediately jump in with a protest. The words reverberated in his head, impossible and wonderful, and Steve expected he’d have real trouble hearing anything else for the next several hours.

But then Danny turned around, his entire face shining as he said something about father-daughter commiseration, and their eyes met. In that moment, Steve swore he could look straight into Danny’s soul.

A painfully, beautifully familiar soul.

Everything else in the world turned into white noise, and if he managed to look or sound even vaguely coherent it was only because of years of finely honed survival instincts. Most of his actual internal systems were focused on shoving the new information, and the feelings it inspired, down into the deep, dark hole inside his head where everything else went. He’d learned in the last few decades that finding your soulmate was no confirmation that you were actually _their_ soulmate – the books had, somehow, failed to include that particular detail – and he already knew he’d be in that category. Anyone in their right mind would have fallen in love with Danny’s soul, but the odds that Danny had fallen in love with _his_ were beyond astronomical.

It was almost a relief when the armed gunmen ran onto the field, no matter how guilty Steve felt for even having the thought. The case gave him something to focus on, helped pull him outside his own head until everything inside there settled back into more familiar lines. By the time it was done, he’d have all this stashed out of the way where it wouldn’t hurt anything.

If he dreamt that night, he didn’t remember it.


	2. Chapter 2

It was too _easy_.

Sure, they still argued all the time, but at least part of that was Danny’s desperate attempts to make things with Steve feel less easy than they really were. No matter how much he yelled, though, he couldn’t hide the fact that the two of them moved like they’d been partners for _years_. He hadn’t been this in sync with anyone since Grace, the partner he’d named Grace after, and even then it had taken them a hell of a lot longer to get there then he and Steve had.

And even then.... if he was being honest with himself, he and Grace had never been like _this_. Like they could read each other's thoughts, almost, or at least could have entire conversations using only shifts of their eyebrows and quirks of their heads. No matter how frustrated Danny was, or how crazy Steve was being, they moved like they were two halves of the same person.

The thing was, it was probably all in his head. There was no way it could _really_ be like this, because that would imply things that could in no way be at all close to reality. Not because Steve was a guy – he'd been pretending not to stare at guys for years, but he knew how full of shit he was – but because Steve was _Steve_. Yes, he was a lunatic with enough baggage to fill a cargo hold, but he was also one of the most genuinely _good_ people Danny had ever met. He was like some white knight who'd busted out of a storybook, and there was no way in _hell_ a soul like that would have gotten anywhere _near_ an angry, sarcastic little shit of a soul like Danny's.

Sure, maybe there were some half-remembered dreams where he let himself imagine otherwise, but he'd figured out a long time ago that his heart had no idea what the hell it was doing. He wasn't going to let it screw up what was already turning out to be the best friendship he'd ever had.

Then Amy showed up at his place to tell him Meka had gotten killed, and suddenly there was nothing else in the world but that. They hadn't been partners for a few months now, but he was still the only guy on the entire pineapple-infested hellhole of an island who'd actually tried to make Danny feel welcome when he'd first moved out here. If Meka reached out to Danny for help with whatever had gotten him killed, he would have been there in a second. But he hadn't, for whatever reason, and Danny hadn't bothered checking in with him like a decent human being would have.

So he went after the case with all the beyond-the-law powers being with 5-0 gave him, and suddenly he and Steve weren't so in sync anymore. The fact that he wouldn't shut _up_ about the possibility that Meka was guilty made him feel like he was suddenly tripping over his feet with every move, and he resented losing the rhythm when he needed it most.

Really, though, he most deeply resented that it was _Steve_ tripping him up. He'd thought Steve _trusted_ him, damn it, and he knew Meka was innocent the same way he knew his own name. Meka would have _never_ turned good cops over to the bad guys, no matter how much money was on the table,and Danny’s certainty about that was _nothing_ compared to his certainty that Meka would have _never_ left Amy and Billy. Meka had told him that Amy was his soulmate, and even when Danny had scoffed at the term he hadn’t been able to argue with the love he’d seen shining out of Meka’s eyes every time he looked at her and Billy. If Steve couldn’t understand that….

But then, suddenly, he seemed to. Or at least he finally started trusting that _Danny_ understood that, because after that conversation in the prison’s parking lot the “what if he’s guilty talk” suddenly stopped. Even after Kaleo shot Ochoa and it seemed almost impossible that Danny would be able to clear Meka’s name, Steve had been a rock of support. It was like he’d never doubted for a second.

(Danny didn’t let himself think about what would have happened if Steve would have been willing to believe the IA guy’s hypothetical accusation toward Danny. He’d braced himself for it, even as the words were coming out of his mouth, because eventually, the bottom fell out of everything. And what he had with Steve… that was the kind of collapse that could kill you.)

When they’d finally cornered Kaleo, all the anger and pain Danny had been holding back about Meka's death rose up like a wave. No one else had dared come near him while he was beating the son of a bitch’s face in, and even if they had it would have taken at least four of them to peel him off.

In the end, though, all it had taken was Steve’s voice. His voice, and Grace’s, were enough to reach right into him.

So when Steve showed up at the funeral with Chin and Kono, when he’d said “I know you” in that soft way of his that showed off the marshmallow in his heart, Danny wasn’t even surprised when he recognized the soul shining out of Steve’s eyes. It was one of the most beautiful damn things he’d ever seen, and anyone in his right mind would have fallen in love with it. When you fell in love like that, you remembered it, no matter how much time or space or whatever in the hell else had happened between then and now.

It wasn’t the fall he’d expected, but it settled something inside him. Steve being his soulmate didn’t change anything, really – just because his soul had gone and fallen in love didn’t mean Steve’s soul had even noticed Danny’s soul existed – and it helped to know that the other shoe had already dropped. As long as he kept Steve from ever finding out, and didn’t screw up what he had by trying to push for more, they’d be fine. He’d spent most of his life managing on less than what he had right now.

The ache in his chest, the one that had been with him ever since he could remember, was gone. If it was replaced sometimes by a lump in his throat, well… no one else had to be the wiser.

000

It turned out that having a soulmate was amazing, even if they didn’t love you back.

Because when Hesse came back, and later when Mary was kidnapped, Danny was _right there_. Both when the danger was at its worst and in the quiet moments afterward, loud and colorful and filling in the silence that always used to weigh on Steve like an anchor. Listening to Danny harass him about his sewing skills while he helped fix the Santa costume made Christmas feel more real than it had in more than a decade, and just hanging out with Danny was better than the best shore leave he’d ever had.

He even got invited along to a lot of the stuff Danny and Grace did, which still felt like such a miracle he couldn't quite believe it was happening.

“That one’s a green and black poison dart frog, which is kind of obvious from the colors, but the other one is a dyeing poison dart frog.” Peeling herself away from the glass, Grace looked up at Danny with a worried expression. "They're the prettiest frogs here, but if their poison doesn't that hurt the workers who pick them up? The sign says it comes out of their skin."

Steve bit back an answer to the question – the last thing he wanted to do was step on Danny's toes -- but Danny gave him an amused glance like he'd somehow heard the thought. "I think I'd better let Uncle Steve answer this one, Monkey," he said lightly, smoothing a hand over his daughter's hair. "He's got that 'I'm trying really hard to hold back my nerdiness' face going on, and if the pressure goes on too long it might break something else in that brain of his."

Grace turned to him with a hopeful look. "You know about animals?"

Surprised, Steve glanced over at Danny to make sure it was really alright. Danny did something with his eyebrows that Steve roughly translated as "Didn't we literally just have this conversation? Go educate my daughter, you goof."

Chest tight, Steve crouched down next to Grace. "The frogs have to eat certain bugs down where they live in order to get the poison in their skin, but while they're at the zoo they feed them different bugs that live in Hawaii." He pointed to one that must have escaped the last feeding, still hanging out on a leaf. "Since the bugs don't have the right stuff in them to make poison, the frogs that live in the zoo are safe to pick up."

Grace looked thoughtful. "If a human ate those bugs, would they get poison skin? Because I wouldn't want it for very long, but there's this kid in my class who's a real jerk. It might be nice to make him sick for a little while."

That... was not the response he'd been expecting. "We don't have the right stuff inside us to make the bugs into poison," he explained, hoping it was the right thing to say. "Eating them would just make _you_ sick."

She still looked like she was trying to find a way around that little problem when Danny gently took her by the shoulders and nudged her toward another tank. "How about you go check out that big, mean-looking frog. It looks like it's trying to pick a fight with me, and I need you to go tell it what a nice person I am."

Grace, suitably distracted, hurried over to do just that. When she was a safe enough distance away, Danny leaned in close. "Sorry," he muttered. "I had no idea that would jump straight into supervillain-style plotting. Clearly, I'm going to have to have another talk with her about what to do if some kid is giving you crap."

Steve hunched his shoulders a little, feeling guilty. "It's my fault. I probably shouldn't have said--"

The rest was cut off when Danny poked him firmly in the side. "As long as you're not telling her how to build a bomb or the safest way to jump off a building, you're fine. It wasn't your fault, anyway. Most of us get our crazy years out of the way when we're kids, which lessens the chance that we'll turn into grown-up lunatics like you. If she hadn't gotten the idea from the frogs, she would have picked up another one just as wild from somewhere else."

He'd heard Danny complain about almost everything, but now there was nothing but warm understanding in his voice. His chest tightened. "I don't have a lot of experience with kids."

Danny smiled a little. "Somehow, I did pick up on that. What with me being a detective and everything." Then his expression softened. "You're really good with her, even if you don't realize it."

He didn't think he'd ever been more complimented. "Thanks," he said quietly. "She's an amazing kid, Danny."

Something sweet and a little sad flashed in Danny's eyes. "I'm glad you have the good sense to realize that." Then he nudged Steve's arm. "And don't ever feel like you can't get in on the kid interaction. You're family."

Steve swallowed. Danny said it like it was one of the basic facts of the universe -- water was wet, gravity held you to the ground, and Steve McGarrett was family to Daniel and Grace Williams. The kind of love they dealt in could keep a starving man fed for the rest of his life, and Steve was beyond grateful that they'd decided to give some of it to him. It wasn't the kind of love the stories said you got from your soulmate, but it was more than he'd ever imagined for himself.

Even if this was all he ever got, he was a damn lucky man.

If he'd tried to say anything at that point he would have probably started crying, but luckily Grace spared him without realizing it. "Danno! Uncle Steve!" She turned around, face alight as she waved them over. "Come see!"

Danny smiled. "We've been summoned." He stepped forward, then glanced back at Steve. "You coming?"

Steve took a deep breath, chest clenching with something too sweet to be called pain. "Always."


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Me? Actually _finishing_ a McDanno AU? I don't believe it.

There was a split second during Matt's visit where everything was perfect.

Danny knew it wouldn't last – he loved his brother, but a visit from Hurricane Matty always brought trouble – but during that dinner on the beach it was so damn easy to pretend.

Yes, Rachel was _also_ there, but in Danny's eyes she was the least important person at that table. All the bitterness and love between them had faded into memory, something he'd needed to go through in order to get where he was today. He knew he'd have to start dating at some point or Steve would get suspicious – he would rather stab himself with a fork, repeatedly, than listen to Steve try to be nice about it – but he wouldn't have gotten back together with Rachel even if she asked him. Not when he knew what loving someone was really supposed to feel like.

That night, though, there were a few, precious moments when it felt like Danny had everything he could possibly ever want. His soulmate, daughter, and brother had all sat down to a meal together, laughing and talking the way family was supposed to do. Sure, no one else knew that Steve was his soulmate, but that didn’t matter when Matt was using every ounce of his charm to draw goofy stories out of Steve and Grace stealing pieces of shrimp off of Steve’s plate the same way she stole pieces of steak off of Danny’s.

If everyone did know, if the impossible somehow happened and Steve was actually _happy_ to be Danny’s soulmate, this moment would still be almost exactly the same. The only difference would be that he’d lean over at kiss Steve at some point, one of the quick ones that were like the physical version of a love note tucked into your lunch. The kind you think are boring when you’re an idiot kid in high school, but when you grow up you realize they mean absolutely everything.

Danny didn’t have the right to kiss Steve like that, no matter how much he wanted to. But in that moment, he could pretend that he did. That he could lean over at any time and press his lips against Steve’s cheek, or his lips, and Steve would get that little smile that meant all was right with the world. Right then, just for a breath or two, Danny’s life was like something out of a dream.

Then, of course, reality happened. Danny realized that the two guys were definitely paying their table way the hell too much attention, they turned out to be FBI, and everything fell apart.

Later, he wasn’t sure whether it was the collapse or the sweetness of the memory that would haunt him more.

000

Steve would have happily arrested Matt just for what he was putting Danny through, but that wasn’t what Danny wanted. He wanted to protect Matt from the FBI, so that was what Steve helped him do. If Danny wanted to take over a small country, Steve would back him up.

But when Matt left on that plane, there was nothing in Steve’s government-trained set of skills that could do anything to fix it.

000

 When it was all done, when Danny had failed as deeply and profoundly as he could possibly fail, Steve took him home.

Danny was sunk so deep inside his own misery that it took him awhile to realize that Steve was driving to his house instead of Danny’s. His first response was such a deep sense of relief that it nearly brought tears to his eyes, even though he’d trained himself out of that when he was a kid. The idea that he didn’t have to be alone right now, that he didn’t really have to be alone _ever_ , felt like a miracle.

But Danny had never been good at leaving well enough alone, and the truth was that he didn’t deserve it. More importantly, _Steve_ didn’t deserve being saddled with the human version of a black hole for the rest of the night. He’d done everything he could in the middle of this disaster. It was _Danny_ who had failed.

Even when he’d made the decision, it took him far too long to make his voice work. “You shouldn’t have to deal with me like this,” he said, the words sounding like they were coming from a pit a thousand feet deep. “You can just drop me off at my house. I’ll be fine.”

Steve just glanced over at him, too much worry in his eyes for there to be any room for the sarcastic disbelief that would normally be there. His partner’s soul was shining out of his eyes clear as day, and it said that it was killing Steve not to be able to take away some of Danny’s pain. Of course, he wasn’t going to say a fucking word about how he was suffering, no. He was just going to spend the rest of the night bending over backward trying to be anything Danny needed.

Danny closed his eyes a moment, somehow feeling even guiltier than he had before. Matt had run headlong into his own disaster, and Danny’s blame was only in not saving him from himself. But Steve… he was good. He didn’t deserve any of this, and Danny was going to fucking _ruin_ him eventually.

“I’m serious, Steve.” He forced his voice to sound stronger, more emotionally together than it had the first time. Over the years, he’d had plenty of practice at faking it. “I know you’ve gone into superhero mode, but there’s no need for a rescue right now. I can take care of myself.”

Steve’s hands tightened on the steering wheel. He pulled to the side of the road just after the next intersection, like he was thinking of turning around. “Just tell me one thing,” Steve said quietly, his own voice sounding like it was coming from surprisingly far away. “Would it be easier for you if I wasn’t there?”

Danny went still, his instincts swimming upward through the misery to smack him into paying attention. He was used to emotional manipulation – his mom was a champ at it, and Danny himself had thought he had at least a few skills in that area – but that wasn’t at all what he was hearing in Steve’s voice. It wasn’t even the worry he’d seen in Steve’s eyes, his superhero senses urging him to protect the wounded no matter what it did to him.

No, what he was hearing in Steve’s voice right now was _fear._ The fear of being sent away again, the fear of standing at the edge of the table begging for scraps you could never be sure would come. Danny knew that fear better than he knew his own name, but it was wrong hearing it in Steve’s mouth.

Danny had to clear his throat before he could trust his voice. “No.” His voice was just as quiet as Steve’s. “But I can _see_ what I’m doing to you even from here. You shouldn’t have to deal with the fact that I’m a failure.”

“You’re _not_ a failure.” The sudden fierceness in Steve’s voice was more surprising than anything else. “I know it doesn’t feel like it, Danny, but you did everything you could.”

Danny swallowed. “That’s a nice thing to say, but—”

“No.” The word was an order, but it was the gentleness behind it that made Danny’s throat tighten. “I know you better than anybody, Danny. _No one_ could have fought harder for Matt than you did.”

His insides felt raw, like someone had been scraping at them, and the increasingly desperate desire to make Steve understand only sharpened the feeling. “Is this really how you want to spend the rest of your evening?” he asked, calling on frustration when the anger wouldn’t come. It was that, or burst into tears. “Trying to drag your wreck of a partner up from the depths of his own failures? I know your sense of self-preservation is a mess, but right now getting clear is just common sense.”

The anger Danny had longed for in himself flared briefly in Steve’s eyes. “Do you really expect me to leave you right now?”

“I know you’re a damned superhero, but some people _aren’t worth saving_.” Danny was almost surprised by the bitterness in his own voice, but he let it come. “I’ve already _failed_ three people who should have damn well been able to rely on me, and this one is going to eventually get Matt fucking _killed_. Do you _really_ think your SuperSEALness is going to be immune? One of these days I’m going to fail you just like I failed Matt, Meka, and Rachel, and now would be a _really_ convenient time for you to get clear.”

Pain, raw and heartbreaking, filled Steve’s eyes. “Danny….”

Danny closed his eyes again, feeling Steve’s pain on top of his own. “Yes, I am saying stupid and awful things, but I _do_ that when I’m feeling like shit. Let me be a decent human being once in my life and get you clear of them.” When there was only silence, he took a deep breath. He didn’t have it in him to try and push Steve away harder than he already was, but this… this he could do. It would end things forever, but that would probably be better for Steve in the long run. “You’re my soulmate, Steve. I need to try and protect you, even if that’s just by getting you the hell away from me.”

The silence only deepened, as if Steve had actually stopped breathing, and Danny finally risked opening his eyes. Steve was staring at him in pure shock, everything else chased off his face, and something hard twisted in the depths of Danny’s stomach. “Once you’ve figured out how to breathe again,” he said into the silence, “feel free to take me home at any time.”

Finally, Steve made himself inhale. “I’m your soulmate?” he asked, voice shakier than Danny had ever heard it.

Danny went still again, the twist in his gut replaced by a sudden pressure in his chest. That wasn’t revulsion or guilt he heard in Steve’s voice. “I believe I just said that.”

This time, it was Steve’s turn to close his eyes. “Were you ever going to tell me?”

Danny rubbed his hand across his mouth. “I wasn’t planning on it. I didn’t think I could handle how guilty and awkward you’d feel that you were my soulmate, but I wasn’t yours.”

Steve made a sound that didn’t quite qualify as a laugh, rubbing his hands across his face. “That was why I didn’t tell you, either.”

He’d suspected it ever since Steve’s voice had gotten shaky, but the implication was somehow still enough to knock him sideways. “How did you see my soul?” he managed. “I’m too much of an asshole to ever show it.”

Steve opened his eyes, giving Danny a piercing look. “Whoever told you that never saw you with Grace.” A heartbeat later, his expression turning fragile again. “I’ve known since pretty much the first moment I saw the two of you together.”

The peace blossoming in the depths of his heart should have felt like a betrayal of his pain, but it just felt like a deeper version of the relief he’d felt earlier. The home he’d wanted since before he was even born had just thrown open its doors and said that he could stay forever.

Danny grabbed Steve’s hand, pressing a kiss against the back of it. His eyes burned, and if he made it through the night without crying he’d be stunned as hell. “As soon as I no longer feel like shit,” he breathed, “I am kissing the _hell_ out of you.”

Steve smiled, his own eyes wet as he started the car and pulled back into the road one-handed. “I’m looking forward to it.”

000

For the rest of the night, Steve tried to never be more than a few feet away from Danny. It was about comfort, not romance, which meant pizza, too much beer, and all of the stupidest sci-fi movies Steve had in his collection. Danny had tears in his eyes once or twice, though Steve was careful not to mention it, and didn’t bring up Matt’s name again.

Steve could only imagine how often the name was circling in his soulmate’s head. He had a few ideas about how to track Matt down, favors he could call in, but he didn’t want to get Danny’s hopes up until he had something concrete. He didn’t try words of comfort again, though they were circling in _his_ head, and focused on a combination of distraction and physical contact to ease some of the pain still radiating out of Danny. From the way Danny stayed close, it seemed to be working to a certain extent.

Later in the night, Danny was leaning against Steve’s chest as they both sprawled on the couch. Spaceships on poorly-concealed strings were flying across the TV screen, but he and Danny were too close to being asleep to properly make fun of it.

“Sorry again,” Danny murmured. “I promise you there _will_ be hot sex, but I’d rather it happen when you’re the only thing I’m concentrating on. Also, I should be sober.”

Steve pressed a kiss against Danny’s hair, too grateful to even feel guilty about how happy he was. “We’ve got plenty of time.”

“Good.” Danny threaded his fingers through Steve’s. “I’m probably about to fall asleep on you, but given your freakish giantness you should be able to move me without too much trouble.”

“I’m not going anywhere.” He tightened his hold on Danny’s hand. “Studies have shown you sleep better in your soulmate’s arms than anywhere else.”

“Really?” Danny made a pleased sound, voice fuzzy with sleep. “I’m looking forward to testing the theory.”  

Steve closed his eyes, letting himself drift. “So am I.”

**Author's Note:**

> Come check out my [original fiction,](https://jennifferwardell.wixsite.com/mybooks) my [blog,](http://jennifferwardell.blogspot.com) or say hi to me on [Tumblr](http://sanctuaryforalluniverses.tumblr.com)!


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